Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Suspence Joke- Husband wife

Dis is one of best suspense jokes

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting.....

Monday, April 28, 2014

Corporate lesson

Jack and Max are walking to the church for the Sunday prayer.

Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

Moral of the story: The approval you want depends on the way u ask for it!!
Dedicated to all the corporates professionals !!

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Women are impossible to please!!!

A store that sells "New Husbands" has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..

A woman goes to find a husband.

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She continues to the second floor..

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs ...n love kids..

she continues upward...

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

'Wow,' she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.

She exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor...

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature..

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor...

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..

(scroll and keep reading!)

Now The store's owner opened a "New Wives Store" just across the street..

The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!

Life is like a journey on a train...

Beautifully illustrates

Life is like a journey on a train...
with its stations...
with changes of routes...
and with accidents !

We board this train when we are born and our parents are the ones who get our ticket.

We believe they will always travel on this train with us.

However, at some station our parents will get off the train, leaving us alone on this journey. 

As time goes by, other passengers will board the train,  many of whom will be significant - our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of our life.

Many will get off during the journey and leave a permanent vacuum in our lives.

Many will go so unnoticed that we won't even know when they vacated their seats and got off the train !

This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, good-byes, and farewells.

A good journey is helping, loving, having a good relationship with all co passengers...
and making sure that we give our best to make their journey comfortable.

The mystery of this fabulous journey is ;
We do not know at which station we ourselves are going to get off.

So, we must live in the best way - adjust, forget, forgive, and offer the best of what we have.

It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to leave our seat... we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

Thank you for being one of the passengers on my train !

Have a very pleasant journey of life.........!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

BOILING FROG SYNDROME

Awesome message.. Read Carefully:

THE BOILING FROG SYNDROME..!!

Human Beings and frogs are the two creatures in nature who have tremendous power to adjust...

Put a frog in a vessel of water and start heating the water...

As the temperature of the water rises, the frog is able to adjust its body temperature accordingly...

The frog keeps on adjusting with increase in temperature...

Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog is not able to adjust anymore...

At that point the frog decides to jump out...

The frog tries to jump but is unable to do so, because it lost all its strength in adjusting with the water temperature...

Very soon the frog dies. What killed the frog?

Many of us would say the boiling water...

But the truth is what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when it had to jump out...

We all need to adjust with people and situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust and when we need to confront / face...

There are times when we need to face the situation and take the appropriate action...

If we allow people to exploit us physically, mentally, emotionally or financially, they will continue to do so...

We have to decide when to jump...

Let us jump while we still have the strength !!

Twist happened at the end

A Poor Couple lived in a Small Village in India.

They had only 1 Son.

They gave him the Best Education.

Son Graduated as an Engineer in the nearby City

Eventually He got Married to a Rich Girl.

Initially, They Lived with His Parents in the Village.

Soon the Wife got Tired of Village Life & Persuaded Her Husband to Move to the City Leaving His Old Parents in the Village.

As Time went,the Husband saw an Ad in the Newspaper about a
Job Vacancy in U.S

He was Successful & Lived in U.S for 20 Years with His Wife.

Regularly, He used to Send Money to His Parents

Eventually with Time, He Stopped & Forgot about His Parents whether
They ever Existed.

Every Day He Pray & Immediately after each Prayer He used to see Someone telling Him
in a Dream that his Prayer is not Accepted.

One Day, He Related this Story to a 'Pious Aalim' who Advised Him to go Back to India to Visit His Parents.

The Man Flew to India & Reached the Boundary of His Village.

Everything was Changed over there.

He could not Find His House.

So He asked to the Head of the Village about the Whereabouts of His Parents.

The Head of the Village directed Him to a House & said: "In this House, Lives an Old Blind Lady who Lost Her Husband a Few Months Ago. She has a Son who Migrated to
US 20 Years back & Never came Back again. What an Unfortunate Man."

Son enters that Home &
Finds His Mother on the Bed.

He Tip-Toed as He did not want to Wake Her up.

He hears His Mother Whispering or Mumbling Something.

He gets Closer to Hear His Mothers Voice.




This is what His Mother was Saying:


AAB KI BAAR MODI SARKAR....

Monday, April 14, 2014

How to identify mental patient?

In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asks the Doctor: How do u determine whether to admit a mental patient or not?

Dr: Well..we'd fill a bathtub with water & then give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the bathtub.

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket coz its bigger.

Dr: "No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed No.39. We will start further investigations on you!"

..................................................
You also thought of the bucket, didn't you?? Please go to bed No. 40 ! 

Forward quickly... There are still some beds available !!!

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE

A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..


The story continues....
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card.
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband. 😆

Story continues....
Wife took out her husbands credit card from purse and uses it to clear all the bills. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.
😎

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Happy voting

4 surgeons sat around discussing their favorite patients type

1st surgeon says,
"I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".

2nd surgeon says,
"I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order".

3rd surgeon says,
"I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded.

The 4th surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians." 

The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.

The 4th surgeon continues,   
"Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the butts  and brains  are interchangeable."
 Happy voting

Friday, April 4, 2014

HAPPY MEN'S DAY!!!👤



 
For the 1st time SOMETHING  on a MAN. Do read it....
 
Ⓜ Who is a MAN

A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation who starts     compromising at a very tender age.

He sacrifices his chocolates🍬 for his  sister.

He sacrifices his dreams 💭for just a  smile on his parents face.

He spends his entire pocket money on buyng gifts for the lady 👰     he loves💞 just to see her smiling

He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children👪 by working late   at night without any complain.
 
He builds 🏡their future by takng loans from banks & repayng them   for lifetime.
 
He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife  & boss.

His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.

"HAPPY MEN'S DAY"
 
Respect every male in your life.
U will never know what he has sacrificed 4U.
 
Worth sending to every man to make him simile & every woman to make her realize his worth!!



Thursday, April 3, 2014

Swiss Bank jokes

Few swiss bank employees reported dead due to excessive laughing after Sonia Gandhi declared her assets of just 9 cr..!!

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

An interview with Dr.Devi Shetty, Narayana Hrudayalaya (Heart Specialist)- very informative!

A chat with Dr.Devi Shetty, Narayana Hrudayalaya (Heart Specialist) Bangalore was arranged by WIPRO for its employees. The transcript of the chat is given below. Useful for everyone.

Qn: What are the thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart?
Ans:
1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil
2. Exercise - Half an hour's walk, at least five days a week;
avoid lifts and
avoid sitting for a longtime
3. Quit smoking
4. Control weight
5. Control BP - Blood pressure and Sugar

Qn: Can we convert fat into muscles?
Ans: It is a dangerous myth. Fat and muscles are made of two different tissues, fat is fat ... Ugly and harmful... Muscle is muscle. Fat can never be converted into a muscle.

Qn: It's still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person
gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?
Ans: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.

Qn: Are heart diseases hereditary?
Ans: Yes

Qn: What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress?
Ans: Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in life.

Qn: Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep a healthy heart?
Ans: Walking is better than jogging, since jogging leads to early fatigue and injury to joints

Qn: You have done so much for the poor and needy. What has inspired you to do so?
Ans: Mother Theresa, who was my patient.

Qn: Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart diseases?
Ans: Extremely rare.

Qn: Does cholesterol accumulates right from an early age (I'm currently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only after you are above 30 years of age?
Ans: Cholesterol accumulates from childhood.

Qn: How do irregular eating habits affect the heart ?
Ans: You tend to eat junk food when the habits are irregular and your body's enzyme release for digestion gets confused.

Qn: How can I control cholesterol content without using medicines?
Ans: Control diet, walk and eat walnut.

Qn: Which is the best and worst food for the heart?
Ans: Fruits and vegetables are the best and oilis the worst.

Qn: Which oil is better - groundnut, sunflower, olive?
Ans: All oils are bad.

Qn: What is the routine checkup one should go through? Is there any specific test?
Ans: Routine blood test to ensure sugar, cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.

Qn: What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack?
Ans: Help the person into a sleeping position, place an aspirin tablet under the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush him to a coronary care unit, since the maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.

Qn: How do you differentiate between pain caused by a heart attack and that caused due to gastric trouble?
Ans: Extremely difficult without ECG.

Qn: What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about 30-40 yrs of age having heart attacks and serious heart problems.
Ans: Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, sedentary lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for heart attacks than Europeans and Americans.

Qn: Is it possible for a person to have BP outside the normal range of 120/80 and yet be perfectly healthy?
Ans: Yes.

Qn: Marriages within close relatives can lead to heart problems for the child. Is it true?
Ans : Yes, co-sanguinity leads to congenital abnormalities and you may NOT have a software engineer as a child

Qn: Many of us have an irregular daily routine and many a times we have to stay late nights in office. Does this affect our heart? What precautions would you recommend?
Ans : When you are young, nature protects you against all these irregularities. However, as yougrow older, respect the biological clock.

Qn: Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some other complications (short/long term)?
Ans : Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However, modern anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.

Qn: Will consuming more coffee/tea lead to heart attacks?
Ans : No.

Qn: Are asthma patients more prone to heart disease?
Ans : No.

Qn: How would you define junk food?
Ans : Fried food like Kentucky , McDonalds , Samosas, and even Masala Dosas.

Qn: You mentioned that Indians are three times more vulnerable. What is the reason for this, as Europeans and Americans also eat a lot of junk food?
Ans: Every race is vulnerable to some disease and unfortunately, Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive disease.

Qn: Does consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?
Ans: No.

Qn: Can a person help himself during a heart attack (Because we see a lot of forwarded e-mails on this)?
Ans: Yes. Lie down comfortably and put anaspirin tablet of any description under the tongue and ask someone to take you to the nearest coronary care unit without any delay and do not wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance does not turn up.

Qn: Do, in any way, low white blood cells and low hemoglobin count lead to heart problems?
Ans: No. But it is ideal to have normal hemoglobin level to increase your exercise capacity.

Qn: Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule we are not able to exercise. So, does walking while doing daily chores at home or climbing the stairs in the house, work as a substitute for exercise?
Ans : Certainly. Avoid sitting continuously for more than half an hour and even the act of getting out of the chair and going to another chair and sitting helps a lot.

Qn: Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?
Ans: Yes. A strong relationship since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.

Qn: What are the things one needs to take care of after a heart operation?
Ans : Diet, exercise, drugs on time , Control cholesterol, BP, weight.

Qn: Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?
Ans : No.

Qn: What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?
Ans: There are hundreds of drugs and your doctor will chose the right combination for your problem, but my suggestion is to avoid the drugsand go for natural ways of controlling blood pressure by walk, diet to reduce weight and changing attitudes towards lifestyles.

Qn: Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase the risk of heart attacks?
Ans : No.

Qn: Why is the rate of heart attacks more in men than in women?
Ans: Nature protects women till the age of 45. (Present Global census show that the Percentage of heart disease in women has increased than in men )

Qn: How can one keep the heart in a good condition?
Ans: Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday, do not smoke and, go for health checkups if you are past the age of 30 ( once in six months recommended) ....

Please, don't hoard knowledge.
It takes sharing of knowledge to discover and understand the world in which we live.
Please send it to all your friends and relatives....... They might benefit as well...

Dr. Devi Shetty,
Narayana Hrudaya[truncated by WhatsApp]

Fools are fools on any date!

9 facts still hidden from us;

1) 90% of people in Australia dont drink milk.

2) Snake's vision is upto 5 km.

3) A man can touch sun if his body is completly surrounded by mercury.

4) No twins have been born till now in Greenland.

5) Zebra doesnt have a liver

6) All the above details are false.

7) Thanks for belivng for a while.

8) Today is not april 1st.

9) But a fool is a fool on any date...

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Mental patient test

In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asked the Doctor: How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not??

Dr: Well, We'd fill a Bathtub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub...

Journalist: Oh, Obviously a normal person would use da bucket bcoz its bigger...

Dr: "No, A normal person would pull da drain plug!! Please go to bed No.39; We will start further investigations"...

Aap ne bhi bucket socha tha na..... please go to bed no. 40

Jaldi fwd karo Aur bhi bed khaali hain