Self Sufficient

Indian's are born awesome

African  & Indian entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, african stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, African said to Indian: "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat that"

Indian replied: "You wanna see something better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"
So they went to the counter and indian said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic?"
Shop boy replied: "Yes."
Indian said: "Give me one chocolate bar." The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for the second, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic?"
Indian  replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them."
U Just CANNOT Beat indians !
They r born awesome.

Suspence Joke- Husband wife

Dis is one of best suspense jokes

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting.....

Corporate lesson

Jack and Max are walking to the church for the Sunday prayer.

Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

Moral of the story: The approval you want depends on the way u ask for it!!
Dedicated to all the corporates professionals !!

Women are impossible to please!!!

A store that sells "New Husbands" has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..

A woman goes to find a husband.

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She continues to the second floor..

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs ...n love kids..

she continues upward...

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..

'Wow,' she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.

She exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor...

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature..

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor...

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..

(scroll and keep reading!)

Now The store's owner opened a "New Wives Store" just across the street..

The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!

Life is like a journey on a train...

Beautifully illustrates

Life is like a journey on a train...
with its stations...
with changes of routes...
and with accidents !

We board this train when we are born and our parents are the ones who get our ticket.

We believe they will always travel on this train with us.

However, at some station our parents will get off the train, leaving us alone on this journey. 

As time goes by, other passengers will board the train,  many of whom will be significant - our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of our life.

Many will get off during the journey and leave a permanent vacuum in our lives.

Many will go so unnoticed that we won't even know when they vacated their seats and got off the train !

This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, good-byes, and farewells.

A good journey is helping, loving, having a good relationship with all co passengers...
and making sure that we give our best to make their journey comfortable.

The mystery of this fabulous journey is ;
We do not know at which station we ourselves are going to get off.

So, we must live in the best way - adjust, forget, forgive, and offer the best of what we have.

It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to leave our seat... we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

Thank you for being one of the passengers on my train !

Have a very pleasant journey of life.........!

Anti cheating helmet

BOILING FROG SYNDROME

Awesome message.. Read Carefully:

THE BOILING FROG SYNDROME..!!

Human Beings and frogs are the two creatures in nature who have tremendous power to adjust...

Put a frog in a vessel of water and start heating the water...

As the temperature of the water rises, the frog is able to adjust its body temperature accordingly...

The frog keeps on adjusting with increase in temperature...

Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog is not able to adjust anymore...

At that point the frog decides to jump out...

The frog tries to jump but is unable to do so, because it lost all its strength in adjusting with the water temperature...

Very soon the frog dies. What killed the frog?

Many of us would say the boiling water...

But the truth is what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when it had to jump out...

We all need to adjust with people and situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust and when we need to confront / face...

There are times when we need to face the situation and take the appropriate action...

If we allow people to exploit us physically, mentally, emotionally or financially, they will continue to do so...

We have to decide when to jump...

Let us jump while we still have the strength !!

Twist happened at the end

A Poor Couple lived in a Small Village in India.

They had only 1 Son.

They gave him the Best Education.

Son Graduated as an Engineer in the nearby City

Eventually He got Married to a Rich Girl.

Initially, They Lived with His Parents in the Village.

Soon the Wife got Tired of Village Life & Persuaded Her Husband to Move to the City Leaving His Old Parents in the Village.

As Time went,the Husband saw an Ad in the Newspaper about a
Job Vacancy in U.S

He was Successful & Lived in U.S for 20 Years with His Wife.

Regularly, He used to Send Money to His Parents

Eventually with Time, He Stopped & Forgot about His Parents whether
They ever Existed.

Every Day He Pray & Immediately after each Prayer He used to see Someone telling Him
in a Dream that his Prayer is not Accepted.

One Day, He Related this Story to a 'Pious Aalim' who Advised Him to go Back to India to Visit His Parents.

The Man Flew to India & Reached the Boundary of His Village.

Everything was Changed over there.

He could not Find His House.

So He asked to the Head of the Village about the Whereabouts of His Parents.

The Head of the Village directed Him to a House & said: "In this House, Lives an Old Blind Lady who Lost Her Husband a Few Months Ago. She has a Son who Migrated to
US 20 Years back & Never came Back again. What an Unfortunate Man."

Son enters that Home &
Finds His Mother on the Bed.

He Tip-Toed as He did not want to Wake Her up.

He hears His Mother Whispering or Mumbling Something.

He gets Closer to Hear His Mothers Voice.

This is what His Mother was Saying:

AAB KI BAAR MODI SARKAR....

How to identify mental patient?

In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asks the Doctor: How do u determine whether to admit a mental patient or not?

Dr: Well..we'd fill a bathtub with water & then give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the bathtub.

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket coz its bigger.

Dr: "No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed No.39. We will start further investigations on you!"

..................................................
You also thought of the bucket, didn't you?? Please go to bed No. 40 ! 

Forward quickly... There are still some beds available !!!

Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE

A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today..


The story continues....
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card.
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband. 😆

Story continues....
Wife took out her husbands credit card from purse and uses it to clear all the bills. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral:...... Dont underestimate the power of a WIFE.
😎

Happy voting

4 surgeons sat around discussing their favorite patients type

1st surgeon says,
"I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".

2nd surgeon says,
"I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order".

3rd surgeon says,
"I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded.

The 4th surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians." 

The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.

The 4th surgeon continues,   
"Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the butts  and brains  are interchangeable."
 Happy voting

HAPPY MEN'S DAY!!!👤


 
For the 1st time SOMETHING  on a MAN. Do read it....
 
Ⓜ Who is a MAN

A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation who starts     compromising at a very tender age.

He sacrifices his chocolates🍬 for his  sister.

He sacrifices his dreams 💭for just a  smile on his parents face.

He spends his entire pocket money on buyng gifts for the lady 👰     he loves💞 just to see her smiling

He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children👪 by working late   at night without any complain.
 
He builds 🏡their future by takng loans from banks & repayng them   for lifetime.
 
He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife  & boss.

His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.

"HAPPY MEN'S DAY"
 
Respect every male in your life.
U will never know what he has sacrificed 4U.
 
Worth sending to every man to make him simile & every woman to make her realize his worth!!



Swiss Bank jokes

Few swiss bank employees reported dead due to excessive laughing after Sonia Gandhi declared her assets of just 9 cr..!!

An interview with Dr.Devi Shetty, Narayana Hrudayalaya (Heart Specialist)- very informative!

A chat with Dr.Devi Shetty, Narayana Hrudayalaya (Heart Specialist) Bangalore was arranged by WIPRO for its employees. The transcript of the chat is given below. Useful for everyone.

Qn: What are the thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart?
Ans:
1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil
2. Exercise - Half an hour's walk, at least five days a week;
avoid lifts and
avoid sitting for a longtime
3. Quit smoking
4. Control weight
5. Control BP - Blood pressure and Sugar

Qn: Can we convert fat into muscles?
Ans: It is a dangerous myth. Fat and muscles are made of two different tissues, fat is fat ... Ugly and harmful... Muscle is muscle. Fat can never be converted into a muscle.

Qn: It's still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person
gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?
Ans: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.

Qn: Are heart diseases hereditary?
Ans: Yes

Qn: What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress?
Ans: Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in life.

Qn: Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep a healthy heart?
Ans: Walking is better than jogging, since jogging leads to early fatigue and injury to joints

Qn: You have done so much for the poor and needy. What has inspired you to do so?
Ans: Mother Theresa, who was my patient.

Qn: Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart diseases?
Ans: Extremely rare.

Qn: Does cholesterol accumulates right from an early age (I'm currently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only after you are above 30 years of age?
Ans: Cholesterol accumulates from childhood.

Qn: How do irregular eating habits affect the heart ?
Ans: You tend to eat junk food when the habits are irregular and your body's enzyme release for digestion gets confused.

Qn: How can I control cholesterol content without using medicines?
Ans: Control diet, walk and eat walnut.

Qn: Which is the best and worst food for the heart?
Ans: Fruits and vegetables are the best and oilis the worst.

Qn: Which oil is better - groundnut, sunflower, olive?
Ans: All oils are bad.

Qn: What is the routine checkup one should go through? Is there any specific test?
Ans: Routine blood test to ensure sugar, cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.

Qn: What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack?
Ans: Help the person into a sleeping position, place an aspirin tablet under the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush him to a coronary care unit, since the maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.

Qn: How do you differentiate between pain caused by a heart attack and that caused due to gastric trouble?
Ans: Extremely difficult without ECG.

Qn: What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about 30-40 yrs of age having heart attacks and serious heart problems.
Ans: Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, sedentary lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for heart attacks than Europeans and Americans.

Qn: Is it possible for a person to have BP outside the normal range of 120/80 and yet be perfectly healthy?
Ans: Yes.

Qn: Marriages within close relatives can lead to heart problems for the child. Is it true?
Ans : Yes, co-sanguinity leads to congenital abnormalities and you may NOT have a software engineer as a child

Qn: Many of us have an irregular daily routine and many a times we have to stay late nights in office. Does this affect our heart? What precautions would you recommend?
Ans : When you are young, nature protects you against all these irregularities. However, as yougrow older, respect the biological clock.

Qn: Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some other complications (short/long term)?
Ans : Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However, modern anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.

Qn: Will consuming more coffee/tea lead to heart attacks?
Ans : No.

Qn: Are asthma patients more prone to heart disease?
Ans : No.

Qn: How would you define junk food?
Ans : Fried food like Kentucky , McDonalds , Samosas, and even Masala Dosas.

Qn: You mentioned that Indians are three times more vulnerable. What is the reason for this, as Europeans and Americans also eat a lot of junk food?
Ans: Every race is vulnerable to some disease and unfortunately, Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive disease.

Qn: Does consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?
Ans: No.

Qn: Can a person help himself during a heart attack (Because we see a lot of forwarded e-mails on this)?
Ans: Yes. Lie down comfortably and put anaspirin tablet of any description under the tongue and ask someone to take you to the nearest coronary care unit without any delay and do not wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance does not turn up.

Qn: Do, in any way, low white blood cells and low hemoglobin count lead to heart problems?
Ans: No. But it is ideal to have normal hemoglobin level to increase your exercise capacity.

Qn: Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule we are not able to exercise. So, does walking while doing daily chores at home or climbing the stairs in the house, work as a substitute for exercise?
Ans : Certainly. Avoid sitting continuously for more than half an hour and even the act of getting out of the chair and going to another chair and sitting helps a lot.

Qn: Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?
Ans: Yes. A strong relationship since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.

Qn: What are the things one needs to take care of after a heart operation?
Ans : Diet, exercise, drugs on time , Control cholesterol, BP, weight.

Qn: Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?
Ans : No.

Qn: What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?
Ans: There are hundreds of drugs and your doctor will chose the right combination for your problem, but my suggestion is to avoid the drugsand go for natural ways of controlling blood pressure by walk, diet to reduce weight and changing attitudes towards lifestyles.

Qn: Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase the risk of heart attacks?
Ans : No.

Qn: Why is the rate of heart attacks more in men than in women?
Ans: Nature protects women till the age of 45. (Present Global census show that the Percentage of heart disease in women has increased than in men )

Qn: How can one keep the heart in a good condition?
Ans: Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday, do not smoke and, go for health checkups if you are past the age of 30 ( once in six months recommended) ....

Please, don't hoard knowledge.
It takes sharing of knowledge to discover and understand the world in which we live.
Please send it to all your friends and relatives....... They might benefit as well...

Dr. Devi Shetty,
Narayana Hrudaya[truncated by WhatsApp]

Fools are fools on any date!

9 facts still hidden from us;

1) 90% of people in Australia dont drink milk.

2) Snake's vision is upto 5 km.

3) A man can touch sun if his body is completly surrounded by mercury.

4) No twins have been born till now in Greenland.

5) Zebra doesnt have a liver

6) All the above details are false.

7) Thanks for belivng for a while.

8) Today is not april 1st.

9) But a fool is a fool on any date...

Mental patient test

In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asked the Doctor: How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not??

Dr: Well, We'd fill a Bathtub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub...

Journalist: Oh, Obviously a normal person would use da bucket bcoz its bigger...

Dr: "No, A normal person would pull da drain plug!! Please go to bed No.39; We will start further investigations"...

Aap ne bhi bucket socha tha na..... please go to bed no. 40

Jaldi fwd karo Aur bhi bed khaali hain

Hilarious ! Don't miss it out

---
---
Sent by WhatsApp

Wish u all a very happy, healthy & wealthy new financial year 2014-15

Today is an annual account closing date.
Clear all our misunderstandings, hurt, anger, resentment, guilt, fears, rejections, failures, envy, misbehaviour, mistakes and all negative feelings.
Close the account.
Wish u all a very happy, healthy & wealthy new financial year 2014-15

Try this. Really wonderful!

Hi , this is too good.

2% or 98%

This is strange...can you figure it out?

Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

There's no trick or surprise.

Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.

Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9

If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits 

Now subtract 5

Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with

(example: 1=a, 2=B, 3=c,etc.)

Think of a country that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter of the name of that country

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter in the name of that animal

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter?

Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?

I told you this was FREAKY!!

If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise

Keep this message going.

This one is.  worth sending on to others.. SERIOUSLY TRY THIS!!

Men will be men always

A man takes his seat at a FIFA world cup final.

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

MAN: "who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

GUY: "that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "oh... that's terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets;  couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "no...they are all at her funeral!"

Men will be men....

Give me money or I will vote for Congress

Attitude matters

Very interesting & meaningful msg to share:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is equal to:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,

H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ;
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ;
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96%

L+O+V+E;
12+15+22+5 = 54%

L+U+C+K ;
12+21+3+11 = 47%

None of them makes 100%. Then what makes 100%?

Is it Money? NO!

M+O+N+E+Y= 13+15+14+5+25=72%

Leadership? NO!

L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P= 12+5+1+4+5+18+19+8+9+16=97%

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our "ATTITUDE"...

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E ;
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is therefore OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100% Successful.

Amazing mathematics

Beautiful msg to share:

My corporate life - Great Lesson

My corporate life:
In the past few years,
1. I learnt to operate 3 critical machines
* Scanner
* Printer
* Xerox Machine

2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint

3. I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+S

4. I learnt to say three very imp words for professional life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir.
* I'll Just Do That sir

5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: -
* Wake Up early
* Sleep late
* Continue to Work

6. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For 5 Days
* Wait For Sunday

7. I learnt to give reasons to family frnds and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails

8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* New Year
* Festivals

9. At the end, People say:-
* You Learnt...
* You Earned...
* You Enjoyed...

10. But when I compare me with my self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived... for bucks

11. I have survived:-
* For convenience of my Family...
* To avoid blame of Society...
* To get tag of Employment...

12. When I already knew that I have got the wrong train.
* I learnt to Rejoice...
* To be Happy...
* To Smile..

I learnt that corporate life and dreams can never meet..
Because when they meet,
both will lose their meaning..

Quotes of the day

The Debate

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community.

If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.

If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk.

The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.

Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said,
"I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.

Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.

He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.

He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

..........

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here.

I told him not one of us was leaving.

Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.

I let him know that we were staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Harbinder,
"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!"

For Sale! Hilarious

A man puts a notice in front of his residence:

FOR SALE
Computer and Encyclopedia both in good condition.
Reason for selling: No longer needed. Got married.
Wife knows EVERYTHING ...
with perpetual backup disk called Mother In Law.

April fool

Why is 1st April celebrated as All Fools' Day?
Because after paying all the taxes uptill 31st March, we all start working for the government again from 1st April!?

Pending Coffee

No Idea Sirji

Aiswariya's Daughter Araddhya Going To Play School..
Teacher- Who Is Your Grand Father??
Araddhya- Big B..
Teacher- Who Is Your Grand Mother??
Araddhya- MP..
Teacher- Who Is Your Mother??
Araddhya- Miss World..
Teacher- Who Is Your Father..??
Araddhya- No Idea Sir Ji.

Save Farmer

Another DOCOMO user spotted

Life of IT

FATHER, I WANTED A CAR, NOT A BIBLE

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealers showroom,
and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his
father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his
graduation, his father called him into his private study, told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and how much he loved him. He handed him a beautifully wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and
found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with his name embossed
in gold.
Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said,"With all your money you give me a Bible?" He stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible behind.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old. He thought perhaps he should go to him.He had not seen him since that graduation day.
But before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to
him. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important documents
and saw the Bible, new,just as he had left it years ago.
With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had
carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11,
"And if ye, being evil, know
how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father which is in Heaven, give to those who ask Him?"
As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible.It had a tag with the dealers name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired.
On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...
PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?
If this touched your heart, please pass it on!!
Please read b4 u go home or u are at home already,read this to  the end. My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and alwys bless u. I am always with you.  I need you to spend 30mins of your time with Me today. Don't pray. Just praise. Today I want this message across the world before midnight. Will you help ? Please do not cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare Me! A blessing is coming your way. Pls Drop everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the Best Day of your Life. Don't break this
chain. Send this to 14 friends in 10mins. The Clock Starts Now!

Why Me

A renowned Tennis Player, was stricken by HIV from a contaminated blood transfusion which he received during his heart bypass surgery.

He was a legendary player. People from all over the world were very sad to hear the news. He received millions of get well soon letters and cards from his fans all over the world. One of the letters read:

“It is very sad to know about your illness. Why did God let this happen to you?”

The Tennis Player wrote a reply to this fan saying:

“Millions of children start playing tennis. Hundreds of thousands of them learn to play proper Tennis. Tens of Thousands of them learn professional Tennis. Thousands of them go to Tennis tournaments around the world. Some 5 thousand make it to Grand Slam and around 100 make it to Wimbledon. Just 4 make it to Semi Finals and 2 to finals and only ONE wins. And I was that ONE out of millions of people around the world.

When I was holding the Wimbledon Championship Trophy I never asked God “Why Me?” So I have no right to ask God “why me?” during my times of hardship.

Moral: God keeps reminding people of His existence by giving them trials and afflictions, because people tend to forget God during their good times and such people only become aware of God if harm touches them. Never forget God in your good times. And if you are going through bad times, thank God even more for the times could have been worse

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Awesome one

There was a family with one kid. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of the kid, who just turned three.
Someone had given the kid a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of his favorite toys.
 Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when kid brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise from father for such yummy tea, kid’s Mom came home. 
 Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!' 
 Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever come to your mind that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet comode ?' 
....Mothers know!!! 


 MORAL OF THE STORY:
Domain knowledge is very important!!! Else your supplier will trick you..😅😆😅😆😅

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in school

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in school:

Law of equality :

The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal u in 5 min!
=============

Law of Queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
=============

Law of Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.😅
=============

 Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
=============

 Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.😐
=============
 
Bath Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
=============

Law of Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
=============

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
=============
 
Law of Bio mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
=============

Theatre Rule:
People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last. 😅
=============
 
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 😩
=============
 
Law of Proposal :

After u accept a proposal you will get a better one...

TANJOOBERRYMUTTS

TANJOOBERRYMUTTS
🎋
By the time you read through this you will understand "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS". And only then will you be ready to take on China! Believe me... you  WILL understand!!!

Here goes... The following is a telephonic exchange between  a Hotel guest & room-service in China ...
Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service."
Room Service: "Rye, Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?"
Guest: "Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: " .......What?"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes?"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!... Why Uoo don wan toes?... Ow bow anglish moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
Room Service: "Copy.. tea... meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh & copy... Rye?"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
Room Service: "Tanjooberrymutts."
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I did say "By the time you read through this... YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS' 

Holi wishes

I ​
    Just
         Want
              To
                  Wish
                       You
                           A
                        Very
                     happy
                 Holi
             And a
         Happy
    lovely
Holi
I ​
    Just
         Want
              To
                  Wish
                       You
                           A
                        Very
                     happy
                 Holi
             And a
         Happy
    Holi
day
I ​
    Just
         Want
              To
                  Wish
                       You
                           A
                        happy
                     Holi
                 Holi
             And a
         Happy
    Holi
Holi
*•take your phone•*
*•in your hand•*
*•🌲first see🌲•*
*•my pic•*
*•then wake up•*
*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*
*•your day•*
*•will be great•*




🌞



happy 
 Holi 

.....you & your family.

For more Holi images visit : click here