Hilarious ! Don't miss it out

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Wish u all a very happy, healthy & wealthy new financial year 2014-15

Today is an annual account closing date.
Clear all our misunderstandings, hurt, anger, resentment, guilt, fears, rejections, failures, envy, misbehaviour, mistakes and all negative feelings.
Close the account.
Wish u all a very happy, healthy & wealthy new financial year 2014-15

Try this. Really wonderful!

Hi , this is too good.

2% or 98%

This is strange...can you figure it out?

Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

There's no trick or surprise.

Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.

Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9

If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits 

Now subtract 5

Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with

(example: 1=a, 2=B, 3=c,etc.)

Think of a country that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter of the name of that country

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter in the name of that animal

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter?

Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?

I told you this was FREAKY!!

If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise

Keep this message going.

This one is.  worth sending on to others.. SERIOUSLY TRY THIS!!

Men will be men always

A man takes his seat at a FIFA world cup final.

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

MAN: "who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

GUY: "that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "oh... that's terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets;  couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "no...they are all at her funeral!"

Men will be men....

Give me money or I will vote for Congress

Attitude matters

Very interesting & meaningful msg to share:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is equal to:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,

H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ;
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ;
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96%

L+O+V+E;
12+15+22+5 = 54%

L+U+C+K ;
12+21+3+11 = 47%

None of them makes 100%. Then what makes 100%?

Is it Money? NO!

M+O+N+E+Y= 13+15+14+5+25=72%

Leadership? NO!

L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P= 12+5+1+4+5+18+19+8+9+16=97%

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our "ATTITUDE"...

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E ;
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is therefore OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100% Successful.

Amazing mathematics

Beautiful msg to share:

My corporate life - Great Lesson

My corporate life:
In the past few years,
1. I learnt to operate 3 critical machines
* Scanner
* Printer
* Xerox Machine

2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint

3. I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+S

4. I learnt to say three very imp words for professional life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir.
* I'll Just Do That sir

5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: -
* Wake Up early
* Sleep late
* Continue to Work

6. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For 5 Days
* Wait For Sunday

7. I learnt to give reasons to family frnds and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails

8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* New Year
* Festivals

9. At the end, People say:-
* You Learnt...
* You Earned...
* You Enjoyed...

10. But when I compare me with my self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived... for bucks

11. I have survived:-
* For convenience of my Family...
* To avoid blame of Society...
* To get tag of Employment...

12. When I already knew that I have got the wrong train.
* I learnt to Rejoice...
* To be Happy...
* To Smile..

I learnt that corporate life and dreams can never meet..
Because when they meet,
both will lose their meaning..

Quotes of the day

The Debate

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community.

If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.

If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk.

The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.

Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said,
"I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.

Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.

He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.

He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

..........

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here.

I told him not one of us was leaving.

Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.

I let him know that we were staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Harbinder,
"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!"

For Sale! Hilarious

A man puts a notice in front of his residence:

FOR SALE
Computer and Encyclopedia both in good condition.
Reason for selling: No longer needed. Got married.
Wife knows EVERYTHING ...
with perpetual backup disk called Mother In Law.

April fool

Why is 1st April celebrated as All Fools' Day?
Because after paying all the taxes uptill 31st March, we all start working for the government again from 1st April!?

Pending Coffee

No Idea Sirji

Aiswariya's Daughter Araddhya Going To Play School..
Teacher- Who Is Your Grand Father??
Araddhya- Big B..
Teacher- Who Is Your Grand Mother??
Araddhya- MP..
Teacher- Who Is Your Mother??
Araddhya- Miss World..
Teacher- Who Is Your Father..??
Araddhya- No Idea Sir Ji.

Save Farmer

Another DOCOMO user spotted

Life of IT

FATHER, I WANTED A CAR, NOT A BIBLE

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealers showroom,
and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his
father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his
graduation, his father called him into his private study, told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and how much he loved him. He handed him a beautifully wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and
found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with his name embossed
in gold.
Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said,"With all your money you give me a Bible?" He stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible behind.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old. He thought perhaps he should go to him.He had not seen him since that graduation day.
But before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to
him. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important documents
and saw the Bible, new,just as he had left it years ago.
With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had
carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11,
"And if ye, being evil, know
how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father which is in Heaven, give to those who ask Him?"
As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible.It had a tag with the dealers name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired.
On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...
PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?
If this touched your heart, please pass it on!!
Please read b4 u go home or u are at home already,read this to  the end. My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and alwys bless u. I am always with you.  I need you to spend 30mins of your time with Me today. Don't pray. Just praise. Today I want this message across the world before midnight. Will you help ? Please do not cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare Me! A blessing is coming your way. Pls Drop everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the Best Day of your Life. Don't break this
chain. Send this to 14 friends in 10mins. The Clock Starts Now!

Why Me

A renowned Tennis Player, was stricken by HIV from a contaminated blood transfusion which he received during his heart bypass surgery.

He was a legendary player. People from all over the world were very sad to hear the news. He received millions of get well soon letters and cards from his fans all over the world. One of the letters read:

“It is very sad to know about your illness. Why did God let this happen to you?”

The Tennis Player wrote a reply to this fan saying:

“Millions of children start playing tennis. Hundreds of thousands of them learn to play proper Tennis. Tens of Thousands of them learn professional Tennis. Thousands of them go to Tennis tournaments around the world. Some 5 thousand make it to Grand Slam and around 100 make it to Wimbledon. Just 4 make it to Semi Finals and 2 to finals and only ONE wins. And I was that ONE out of millions of people around the world.

When I was holding the Wimbledon Championship Trophy I never asked God “Why Me?” So I have no right to ask God “why me?” during my times of hardship.

Moral: God keeps reminding people of His existence by giving them trials and afflictions, because people tend to forget God during their good times and such people only become aware of God if harm touches them. Never forget God in your good times. And if you are going through bad times, thank God even more for the times could have been worse

See more at funnyjokes

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Awesome one

There was a family with one kid. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of the kid, who just turned three.
Someone had given the kid a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of his favorite toys.
 Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when kid brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise from father for such yummy tea, kid’s Mom came home. 
 Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!' 
 Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever come to your mind that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet comode ?' 
....Mothers know!!! 


 MORAL OF THE STORY:
Domain knowledge is very important!!! Else your supplier will trick you..😅😆😅😆😅

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in school

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in school:

Law of equality :

The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal u in 5 min!
=============

Law of Queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
=============

Law of Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.😅
=============

 Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
=============

 Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.😐
=============
 
Bath Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
=============

Law of Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
=============

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
=============
 
Law of Bio mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
=============

Theatre Rule:
People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last. 😅
=============
 
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 😩
=============
 
Law of Proposal :

After u accept a proposal you will get a better one...

TANJOOBERRYMUTTS

TANJOOBERRYMUTTS
🎋
By the time you read through this you will understand "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS". And only then will you be ready to take on China! Believe me... you  WILL understand!!!

Here goes... The following is a telephonic exchange between  a Hotel guest & room-service in China ...
Room Service: "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service."
Room Service: "Rye, Roon sirbees... morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?"
Guest: "Uh... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs."
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: " .......What?"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."
RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes?"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!... Why Uoo don wan toes?... Ow bow anglish moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
Room Service: "Copy.. tea... meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh & copy... Rye?"
Guest: "Whatever you say."
Room Service: "Tanjooberrymutts."
Guest: "You're welcome"
Remember I did say "By the time you read through this... YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS' 

Holi wishes

I ​
    Just
         Want
              To
                  Wish
                       You
                           A
                        Very
                     happy
                 Holi
             And a
         Happy
    lovely
Holi
I ​
    Just
         Want
              To
                  Wish
                       You
                           A
                        Very
                     happy
                 Holi
             And a
         Happy
    Holi
day
I ​
    Just
         Want
              To
                  Wish
                       You
                           A
                        happy
                     Holi
                 Holi
             And a
         Happy
    Holi
Holi
*•take your phone•*
*•in your hand•*
*•🌲first see🌲•*
*•my pic•*
*•then wake up•*
*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*
*•your day•*
*•will be great•*




🌞



happy 
 Holi 

.....you & your family.

For more Holi images visit : click here